


Not again

by resslhk



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, First Kiss, Promises, Romance, secret meetings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:22:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28013124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/resslhk/pseuds/resslhk
Summary: Just some situations I imagine between the episodes, starting after 8x01.
Relationships: Elizabeth Keen & Donald Ressler, Elizabeth Keen/Donald Ressler
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46





	1. The After

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first fic and I know it's not very good so I'm a bit nervous about posting it. Anyway, I hope you like it!  
> This is basically Ressler's feelings at the end of 8x01

He had been hopeful at the time when Liz said she needed him to keep believing in her. She had come considerably closer, looking at him with pleading eyes on the brink of tears that for some reason refused to come out. And he knew she could see the same in him, just as he knew he would never have allowed himself to be so weak in front of anyone.

But it was inevitable. His eyes had slowly begun to burn as the conversation progressed and he realized something that terrified him: history was repeating itself. 

And then his mind was no longer there, but in that dark corridor illuminated only by the flashing red lights and saturated by the deafening sound of the sirens. There, standing in the middle of nowhere, with no one seeing or listening, she had asked him to stay aside, not to intervene. To break the rules, to make an exception for her, leaving aside all the principles he had once been proud of.

_Just like now._

5 years later, and in spite of everything they thought they had advanced, he has to make the same decision, and although it hurts him to accept it, he knows he would do it again. He would let her go and cover for her, for one stupid, but strong reason: he loves her, he loves her more than he ever thought he could. He doesn't know exactly when it happened, nor how, but it’s real, very real.

When his mind is still going over that moment, Liz comes closer, and his breath simply stops existing. She looks at his lips and moves slowly, giving him enough time to walk away. But he doesn't even consider doing it, because he wants to kiss her, and damned if he does, he's wanted to for years.

And when his lips finally meet, her heat and perfume envelop him, and he feels that despite the chaos that stalks them, he could stay there forever. He takes his waist to bring her closer, but he knows it's because of something deeper than that. It is his unconscious trying to hold on to it, knowing that the moment he lets go of it, the magic will be over, and then it will be time to return to reality and face disaster. She was a place where he felt calm, where he felt safe.

_God, she had also become his tiny island of calm._

He wants to take her in his arms and tell her that everything will be okay, to take her to his apartment and protect her as if it were just a storm that will no longer be there the next morning. But once again, he can't do it, because the situation is much more complex than that.

He separates from her, and with confused eyes and trying to keep his voice from being cut off, he assures her that he won't give up on her, and for some reason, some that he doesn't yet understand, he adds that he still has to do his job. So suddenly everything goes to hell. From one second to the next, she's pointing him with a gun, with his gun.

_Damn it._

He had failed miserably to hide his feelings over the past few months, and evidently Liz had taken that on advantage. He was an idiot.

He stood there for a few seconds, watching Liz walk away, unable to do anything to stop her. After a few seconds he got back in his suv and tried to control himself so as not to push the accelerator too hard. He wanted to speed down the highway and isolate himself in his cabin for at least a month. But he can’t do that, not now, not yet.

When he returns to reality, he finds himself in his apartment, and after taking off his coat and now-empty gun case, he collapses on the couch. Hundreds of images invade his mind, and his eyes begin to burn just as they did moments ago. And then, for the first time in a long time, he allows himself to cry. To hell with cold Agent Ressler. There, in the solitude of his apartment, he was just Donald Ressler, a man with feelings, not some stupid robot programmed to follow orders.

The lump in his throat loosens as does the pressure on his chest, and although he is not proud that his partner can make him so vulnerable, he realizes that he really needed to let off steam.

When his throat begins to dry out, he forces himself to calm down. He takes a deep breath and dries the last bits of tears running down his cheeks with the back of his hand. He goes to the bathroom to try to get the warm water to soothe him, but he cannot help but stop at the image reflected by his mirror. His eyes are swollen and red, and his normally gelled and combed hair is a mess from so much running his hands through it.

And there, with his hands resting on the sink and looking directly into the reflection of his eyes, he promises himself that he will do whatever it takes to make the words he said to Liz make sense: he will not give up on her. Not this time, not again. Not after he has felt in his own flesh what his life can be without her.

He had chosen his work over her once, and it had been the darkest months of his life. So, this time he will be on her side. He will not be the person Liz has to escape from, but the one she will turn to when the rest of the world falls upon her. He would show her that they had not gone through so much just to get back to the beginning, that all the way had not been in vain.

He would show her that he can still be her tiny island of calm when she sits in the middle of a storm.


	2. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something between 8x02 and 8x03

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this was supposed to be a one shot, but then I wrote this and it fits well as a second chapter in the same story, so here it is.  
> Yes, I'm posting this just hours before the premiere of the new episode.

After the call that afternoon, Ressler had called for backup and driven at full speed to the park Liz had indicated, but, apparently, he was too late, as the place was as quiet and deserted as a beach in winter.

He had dialed Liz immediately, but of course there was no answer other than the answering machine on his cell phone. The lack of response only made him despair. Would she be all right? Would she be safe? Even... alive? That last thought certainly turned his stomach. He couldn't lose her now, not after promising to protect her.

After taking a full tour of the place, he was heading back to his truck when his phone alerted to the arrival of a new message.

_I'm fine. Talk to you later._

_Liz._

Although he still had a thousand questions, knowing Liz was safe immediately relaxed him. The teams left and so did he, and upon returning to the office he had to report everything to Director Cooper.

Now, sitting in the solitude of the office, he wondered how he had worked so many years at the FBI before Liz. Without her there, the place looked strangely empty and lifeless. It was strange that those same lights that had illuminated her beautiful features and deep blue eyes, now only illuminated her empty chair and desk, emphasizing her absence.

He looked at the report on his desk. He had been on it for about half an hour, but in spite of that, only a few lines whose wording he could not be proud of could be read on the white paper.

His cell phone vibrated in his pocket and the name Liz appeared on the screen. What at another time would have been normal, now too often meant bad news. But he couldn't ignore it, not when everything around her was falling apart and he had promised to be there.

"Hey Liz"

"Ressler, we need to meet. I need to see you"

 _It's a trap. It's a fucking trap. Don't say yes. Don’t. Say. Yes_. 

"Same place as last time?" he said ignoring the voices in his head screaming otherwise.

"No. And it's not safe for me to tell you around here. Get in your truck and find the location marked as a favorite on the gps"

"Liz how d?"

"Just go there" Liz said cutting him off, and at the silence on the other end of the line added, "Please Ress"

Maybe it was her saying his name that way, or the fact that her voice sounded like it was about to crack, but either way, she managed to convince him.

"All right. I have about half an hour left here, unless it's too urgent, I'd rather wait so as not to make it suspicious"

"That's fine. I just need to talk to you. Bye Ressler"

"Bye Liz"

As he cut the call short, reality hit him a little. Not only had he talked on the phone with the person he was supposed to catch, but he would be meeting her. He would cover for her, protect her, and be part of some (most likely illegal) plan if necessary.

The Ressler of the past would never have done anything like that. He would have alerted his superiors of the call, would have devised a plan to have the place surrounded within minutes of meeting her. But circumstances had changed. Too much. It was futile to try to judge the decisions he was making today by the same criteria as he would have a decade ago.

He knew that continuing to dwell on it would get him nowhere, so he focused on looking for something good in the whole mess. Perhaps the only thing he could find was that Liz was okay, and despite being just one good thing in a hundred bad things, it was the most important one.

Now, perhaps somewhat refreshed by the thought that he would be meeting with her later that day, the words flowed into the report. He finished just in time and tried to keep his face as neutral as possible as he made his way through the office to the elevator. He got to the first floor, got into his truck and looked on the gps for the location indicated as a favorite as Liz had told him.

The location was about 30 minutes away, almost on the outskirts of the city, but the sun was beating down fast, so he tried to speed up a bit. 20 minutes later, with the last rays of light illuminating the road, he arrived at the indicated street. All the houses looked a bit gloomy and worn out, and many of them seemed to have been uninhabited for a long time.

He parked right in front of the address, and looked around before getting out of the van. It was no use, he seemed to be the only one around. No people, no cars, no dogs. Nothing.

At number 1297 stood an old house, with a large front garden full of all kinds of vegetation. Vines covered most of the walls and windows, giving it a gloomy and strange, almost movie-like appearance.

He walked slowly and stealthily, paying attention to every possible noise indicating movement around him. He turned the doorknob expecting to find it locked, but to his surprise, it opened instantly making a small creaking sound that echoed in the empty place.

The inside of the house contrasted greatly with the outside. Despite being completely empty, both its floors and walls were completely clean, as if someone had taken care of the place during the last few days. He closed the door behind him and only managed to move a few inches when he heard footsteps in the room to his left. His hand flew to his gun out of habit, but the figure appearing in the door frame made him relax.

"Thank you for coming" Liz said with her eyes fixed on the floor.

Ressler scanned her face for wounds or marks, but she looked as healthy as the last time he'd seen her. Except for her eyes. They were swollen and reddened, and her gaze was somewhat lost. Evidently something had happened, and judging by the effect it had had on her, something terribly wrong.

In the absence of adequate words, and in an unspoken agreement defined by their gazes, they both advanced the few steps that separated them and held each other in a tight embrace. Seconds passed without either of them wanting to separate. There, like that, they were comfortable, safe, happy, as if nothing around them could affect them.

Liz, still with her arms around him, separated her head from his chest a few centimeters and looked into his eyes, then joined her lips to his with extreme delicacy. Just like the first time, Ressler pulled back first, watching as Liz's face reflected something akin to disappointment.

"Please don't keep doing this. I'll help you, I'll back you up, but don't use my ... situation to your advantage"

"What are you talking about?”

"Oh Liz, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's painful enough not being reciprocated, don't make it even worse"

"You think that..."

"That you're clearly using what I feel to manipulate me Liz, yes, that's what I think"

"Ress, that's not true" she said stepping closer and resting her right hand on his arm "Ressler, look at me."

When she met his gaze again, Liz couldn't remember another time when she had seen him in such a way. Perhaps because all she ever saw was the stoic Agent Ressler, but this was him, this was her partner of nearly a decade finally showing himself as a person and speaking what he felt.

"What you say couldn't be further from the truth. I know I didn't show it the right way, and I certainly did it at the worst of times, but believe me when I tell you I'm not doing this to use you"

"Then you?"

"Then I love you knucklehead."

And then, for the first time, it was Ressler who leaned in to kiss her, holding her against him as if his life depended on it, feeling his heart pounding and his mind disconnecting from reality, not having to worry about a possible trap in all that.

They continued until they were out of breath, and only then did they break apart to see full happiness spread across each of their features. There was no more disappointment, no more sadness, no more anything like it, just the pure happiness of two idiots who had denied their feelings for years for no reason.

But that no longer mattered at all. Now they knew, now they were on the same side.

Now, together, they were invincible.


End file.
